Q:
It’s brought down that Hillel lo hikpid b’soch beiso, Hillel never got angry in his home. Could you explain that?
A:
I’ll tell you a little anecdote. When my father-in-law (Rav Yaakov Moshe Lessin) passed away, the Agudas HaRabanim held a little hazkara meeting in the headquarters and they asked me to come down and speak. So when I spoke there, I said as follows: “I knew my father-in-law for forty years and I could say upon him, מימיו לא הקפיד בתוך ביתו – He never became angry in his house.” He never was impolite to his wife – that’s what it means. I testify to that. For forty years I watched that man and never once did he say an impolite word to his wife!
That’s what it means when it says that Hillel was not makpid b’soch beiso. Over his children, of course a man must exercise authority. The truth is that sometimes a man must exercise authority over his wife too! Sometimes a man must speak up – no question! But we’re talking about hikpid! Hikpid means to do something when you’re out of control, to be angry. But when a man puts on an act as if he is angry; ka’as hapanim v’lo ka’as haleiv – with his face he’s angry, but in his heart he’s not angry, that’s the man who is לא הקפיד בתוך ביתו. Ka’as hapanim v’lo ka’as haleiv!
Certainly Hillel sometimes had to discipline his children. Whether it was necessary to discipline his wife, that I can’t tell you. But there’s one thing you can rely on – Hillel never was angry in his house! And that’s because Hillel always had a guest in his house. When a guest is present, you can’t be angry. You’re ashamed; it’s embarrassing to get angry in front of a guest. And Hillel always had a guest because Hakodosh Boruch Hu was always in Hillel’s house. That’s why Hillel never could lose his temper in his house.
The gemara tells us a story. There was a couple who used to fight every erev Shabbos. Erev Shabbos, people are excited; time is short, and there’s a lot to prepare. So this couple used to fight among themselves. So a certain sage came every erev Shabbos and he sat in their house. And now they weren’t able to fight because they were ashamed. After some months of this guest in their house on erev Shabbos, they became accustomed to doing things calmly. Then he stopped coming.
Hakodosh Boruch Hu was in Hillel’s house always! He was his permanent guest! And therefore, Hillel never became angry in his house.
TAPE # 703